In this time of social distancing it’s not unusual to feel isolated and overcrowded at the same time. You might be working from home along with your partner and children, camped out in the bedroom, on a staircase landing, or in a closet. Your days are filled with back to back Zoom meetings, and your team abandoned the Zoom happy hours after the first two months because you’re desperate for some non-screen time.
But you still yearn for that sense of true connection.
This was the challenge faced by Jenna, one of my coaching clients. “I like my work and I’ve adjusting to working from home but there’s something missing,” she said. “My days are busier than ever before but I’d love to have more meaningful conversations with my co-workers.”
Can you relate to Jenna’s dilemma? You’re working super hard, nonstop interactions with colleagues and family but something is missing.
And Jenna’s not alone. A June 2020 survey of 1,000 professionals by management consulting firm Korn Ferry asked a simple question: “What are you most looking forward to when you return to the office?” About half pointed to camaraderie with colleagues.
If this resonates with you, then you might be interested in what Jenna came up with.
But first, a little background on the power of human connection and what can happen in its absence.
Happiness spreads through social networks like an emotional contagion, according to a study that looked at nearly 5,000 individuals over a period of 20 years. When an individual becomes happy, the network effect can be measured up to three degrees. That is, one person's happiness triggers a chain reaction that benefits not only his friends, but his friends' friends, and his friends' friends' friends. The effect lasts for up to one year. Conversely, sadness does not spread through social networks as robustly as happiness.
Dr. Ned Hallowell is a leading authority on what he calls “the human moment” and disorders such as depression and attention deficit disorder. He writes, “Even when you’re under extreme stress, the sense of human connection causes executive functioning in the brain to hum.” Have you ever had that experience? You’re in a crisis but not alone, making decisions and working together almost effortlessly. Somehow it almost seems fun. On the other side, people who work in isolation experience more stress.
In his recently published book, The Stress Solution, well-known British Physician Dr. Rangan Chatterjee writes, “So many of the stress related problems I see in my surgery have, as a root cause, a chronic lack of connection. This lack of connection is a major stressor in our lives and is having a devastating effect on many of our relationships. But nourishing relationships can also help us destress. We feel happy when we are connected to friends, family, and those around us.”
Obviously, Jenna was on the right track when she got in touch with her desire for more human connection.
But how did she manage to work out her dilemma? She decided that the best way would be to focus on making one good connection a day with a co-worker.
I asked her how she planned to do that. Here’s what she said, “It’s much easier to start a conversation with someone I’m talking to in the morning before I get completely absorbed in my work. Every day, I’m going to take the time to ask one person what they did that weekend or the night before. Maybe I’ll also share something about myself. Or I’ll follow up on a conversation we’ve had previously. It doesn’t need to be that time consuming. And the payoff is great.”
“Whenever I have made a good connection,” she continued, “I feel better overall at the end of the day. Seeing a person’s face light up makes my day better. And a simple greeting can even make a difference.”
That sounds like a workable plan. And, the happiness research described above suggests that even a brief connection can start a ripple effect that spreads well beyond Jenna’s workplace.
Here are a couple of other suggestions:
Focus on quality: One definition of a quality connection describes it as “an energy exchange between people who are paying attention to one another. It has the power to deepen the moment, inspire change and build trust.”
Practice the skills of being more likable and memorable: A recent article in Fast Company suggests that being likeable isn’t only an innate characteristic. If you practice the skills of listening, being fully present, cultivating mutual interests, and others, you will become more likable and have better relationships with colleagues. Oh, and it will also increase your chances for promotion.
Give it a try, what do you have to lose? Wherever you are tomorrow, commit to consciously connecting with someone else in a meaningful way. Maybe you’ll lose some of your stress!
Please leave a comment on how you’re making (at least) one good connection a day and what the results are. Thanks!