What’s your mindset about conflict? Do you view it as something to avoid at all costs? Or as an obstacle to accomplishing your “real” work? That’s not surprising. As social animals we want to get along and cooperate. We tend to see conflict as something scary and dangerous, where there will be winners and losers and nobody goes away as friends.

What if you could view conflict as a constructive force? Imagine it as a laser beam of energy to direct toward achieving your aim? I’ll bet it would make life a lot easier for you as a leader. The truth is, whenever you take on a leadership role you may have to handle conflict as an inherent part of the work. Ron Heifetz and Marty Linsky write, "When you tackle a tough issue in any group, rest assured there will be conflict, either palpable or latent. That's what makes a tough issue tough."

Tackling tough issues goes with the territory if you’re in a leadership role, right? But that doesn’t mean you're well prepared to do so. Ideally, you’d be open, grounded, curious and calm.You’d be willing to hold the space for strong emotion without getting triggered. And you’d be committed to using the energy of difference to make progress on your shared aspirations. Oh, and use the conflict to strengthen relationships.

That’s a tall order and we’re not always going to be 100% successful. But one thing that can help is to adopt a constructive mindset before tackling that tough issue. Take a look at the table below. It identifies mindsets that work against managing a conflict with skill. More important, it provides some alternatives that are more likely to help.

One quick way to set yourself up for success is to take a few minutes before a conversation to check in on your current mindset and shift it to something more helpful.

I’m remembering a “before and after” role play with one of my clients that illustrated the value of this. Without preparation, my client launched into what she wanted to say. Within a couple of sentences, as her role play partner, I started feeling tense and defensive. We paused the role play at that point. I asked her to consider the mindset she’d been holding and identify a more constructive one. Round Two was like night and day. At that point, I became convinced that mindset alone lays the foundation for voice tone, body language and other cues. These, in turn, impact on one's ability to manage conflict constructively.

Think about an upcoming challenge you need to address.

Using the table below, identify aspects of your current mindset on the left side. What would be more helpful? See if you can frame the more helpful mindset in a way that you can fully embrace. For example, maybe you can’t hold “I may be contributing to the problem.” Try for “What I see is one perspective.”

What do you have to lose? And imagine how liberating it will be to walk into a potential conflict viewing it as a constructive force!

PS. If you’re interested in other tools to increase your comfort with conflict, check out my free guide, 5 Reasons to Tackle that Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding. It’ll increase your motivation by 100%.