Have you noticed:

The highways are filled with people speeding, weaving and tailgating.
Even the most seemingly civil conversations have the potential to veer off course into a conflict.
More and more people seem to think the world owes them for what they’ve put up with during the pandemic?

Or maybe, you’ve also noticed the same thing about your own behavior!

At first I thought it was just me. My theory was that I’d spent so much time at home over the past year that I’d developed a mild form of agoraphobia. And maybe that’s true. But then I started talking with friends and colleagues about their experiences and I realized this is a “thing.” It’s not just me.

I was thrilled to run across a recent podcast from the Neuroleadership Institute entitled, “De-Escalation: The Most Essential Management Skill of 2021.”

Here is David Rock, NLI’s co-founder, describing some of the societal conditions leading to this escalation:

“You’ve probably seen this everywhere from the crazy things happening on airlines, to violence and conflict happening everywhere. It really is accelerating. And if you’re a trained watcher, you can probably get a sense that the fall and the winter coming up could be a little bit difficult, to say the least.

Whether it’s hospitals, airlines, retail, even the office itself, conflict has really, really, really risen. And there are a few reasons why we think this is happening. The first one is that our social skills really deteriorated in this time from isolation. We literally forgot how to speak to each other and became more acutely aware of other people. Plus, we’ve got a really high baseline threat level from the experience that we’ve all been through. So just that in itself is a recipe for more conflict. Then you’ve got this division on vaccines, masks, distancing, all of this. Some of that’s political. Some of it’s not. We’ve also got completely new ways of working happening in companies. The hybrid issue is creating a lot of positive things, but also some conflicts.”

When I heard Dr. Rock describe what we’re going through in such a concise and cogent way, I was both reassured and alarmed. Reassured because once a condition is identified, it’s easier to do something about it. Alarmed that these conditions show no signs of letting up. So what is to be done?

Starting from the premise that “the only person you can control is you” I identified 5 practices that can allow you to blanket yourself in civility.

Here they are:

Take a step back and focus on what’s most important.
Maintain civility and empathy even in the face of bad behavior.
Walk away from toxic behavior.
Don’t take things personally.
Practice the 10-Second Rule.

You might be thinking, “Really? There’s nothing here that I don’t already know. “ And I completely agree. But in this crazy time, these fundamental practices are more important than ever to recommit to.

I invite you to first check in with yourself to see if you’re showing any sign of a heightened threat level. If so (and be honest with yourself), pick one of these practices to try for at least the next week. I’ll be doing the same thing.

Let me know how it goes by sending me an email or, if you’re brave, posting something in the comments.

And thanks for reading!

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