Resilience has long been a topic of great interest to me. I’ve studied and taught principles and practices of cultivating resilience, and attempted to apply these in my own life. I’ve also had my share of personal challenges calling for resilience, including our house burning down just days after my 35th birthday. Resilience was not initially one of my signature strengths but life has an annoying way of providing opportunities to learn what’s needed until it sticks.
Amidst the unfolding impact of COVID-19 globally, I’ve had the privilege to coach quite a number of leaders all over North America. While the primary topic has been about leading virtual teams, our conversations have often begun by exploring how they as leaders are managing their own anxiety and uncertainty. It’s hard to be a leader to others without having a solid foundation oneself.
These conversations have prompted me to reflect on the anchors we take for granted in our daily lives. Those habits and practices that enable us to be productive and positive as we meet the challenges of everyday life.
Anchors are different for different people. For some, having a to do list is what works. For others, it’s a regular meditation or prayer practice. You know what works for you, you just may have lost sight of these in light of the enormity and rapidity of the changes we’ve experienced.
I’ve learned a few lessons in my coaching conversations:
Don’t judge: What is foundational for one person may be unimportant to another. And we never really know the meaning behind certain anchors. For example, I’ve spoken with a number of people who really miss getting manicures every week. It might be tempting to think of that as nonessential but, as one person reminded me, “It’s evidence of normalcy.”
Give yourself grace: Every one of us is going to handle this imperfectly, in spite of our best intentions. I hate to cook and I love eating out. Right now, I’m cooking every night but that doesn’t mean I’m happy about it. I’m trying hard to adopt a positive attitude and keep things in perspective. Sometimes it works. Sometimes I act out.
It’s easy to overlook what grounds you the most: One person realized that the combination of working full time, home schooling and working around her partner’s schedule left her with no “me time.” She was feeling unfocused, short tempered and unproductive. Once she identified what was missing, it was easy to come up with a remedy.
Sometimes, losing an anchor is an invitation to change: We all have habits and practices that we’ve come to take for granted. When those become unavailable or hard to sustain, it can be a good time to reflect on how important is that, really? When things return to “normal” (whatever that is), do I want to automatically add that back into my life?
Here are some questions that might help you reclaim your anchors:
What behaviors or practices do you regularly rely on that give you a sense of peace and calm?
What behaviors or practices have you accidentally let slip away in recent days? That maybe you didn’t realize how important they were to you?
Which of these are most fundamental, and how can you put them back in place immediately (in some form, if not exactly the way they were before)?
What possibilities does losing an anchor open up?
This is not rocket science but sometimes it’s helpful to have some steadying questions to provide focus in a time of great uncertainty.
Please share your thoughts and experiences in the Comments Box.