Most people I know dread having to hold other people accountable. Whether it's at work or at home, the accountability process is fraught with pitfalls. Yet it also doesn’t seem like a good strategy to continue avoiding dealing with the situation.
Imagine this positive outcome: You’re well prepared with a clear topic. You’ve chosen a time and a place that is optimal. You’re approaching the situation with curiosity and an open mind. And you’ve thought through the best way to communicate your message.
Wouldn't it be so much easier to tackle the conversation?
And you're more likely to get the results you are aiming for.
Have I got a formula for you!
There’s just one catch. Before I share my formula, we need to uncover what's prevented you from having these conversations in the first place. Until you can approach them with motivation instead of dread, they probably won’t go well even if you use my formula.
So bear with me. The rest of this piece sets the stage for The Alignment Conversation Protocol. My next post will cover that protocol step by step.
What exactly is an Alignment Conversation? As the name suggests, it’s any conversation intended to resolve a misalignment of understanding, expectations, beliefs or priorities.
At its most extreme, it can be the final step before asking a person to find other employment. For example, James needs to have a “shape up or get out” conversation with Sharon, a key person on his team. He’s been struggling with whether to give her more time, what to say and how to say it. He’s had similar conversations with her already that haven’t produced a positive result. What does James want to happen in simple terms? For Sharon to fully understand the potential consequences if her behavior continues. In order for that to happen, he needs to have an Alignment Conversation.
But they don’t need to be that extreme. In fact, you’re less likely to need the kind of conversation James is about to have if you have successful Alignment Conversations throughout the whole accountability process.
For example, let’s say last night you asked your son to take out the trash. This morning, the trash is still in the can. Think twice before you lose your temper and berate him for not following through. Were you crystal clear about the request you made? It could be a simple misalignment of expectations. Rather than having an argument, you can simply let him know what your expectation was and ask him to take it out right now.
In James's situation, he realized there had been numerous missed opportunities leading up to the "shape up or get out" conversation where he'd failed to realign expectations and priorities. Instead, he addressed each incident as if it were the first time it had happened…over and over again.
It all sounds so obvious, right? Then why do we so often fail to have these conversations?
Here are some possibilities:
Fear there will be a conflict or other strong emotions will arise.
Fear the other person will be offended.
Fear the relationship is too fragile to endure conflict.
Belief that people should take responsibility for themselves: "It’s not my job to hold someone accountable” (even when it is!).
Discomfort at broaching potentially sensitive topics.
Uncertainty about your authority to raise the issue.
There are probably many more reasons to avoid these conversations. Taken together, it’s mostly about awkwardness and discomfort.
Before continuing to read, take a moment to think of a conversation you’ve been avoiding. If you had to pick two of the reasons listed above, what would they be? Once you’ve identified those, reflect for a minute on this question: Given the reasons to avoid the conversation, what might motivate you to tackle it?
Okay, I can appreciate that it might not be so easy to switch gears from avoiding to embracing. Just to help you out, here are my top 5 reasons to have that accountability conversation you’ve been avoiding:
It’s your responsibility to hold people accountable (whether it’s at work or at home).
The work won’t get done.
Teamwork will suffer.
There will be conflict down the road.
You will feel out of integrity.
That’s a pretty good list, don’t you think? Are you convinced now that the benefit of tackling these conversations outweighs the cost? If so, we can focus on getting clear about what you need to say and creating a script for how to say it. The Alignment Conversation Protocol described in my next post will lead you through preparation and planning for your conversation step by step.
If you’re still not sure the conversation is worth having, or it’s something you continue to find reasons to avoid, do I have something for you! Click here to download your free PDF worksheet, 5 Reasons to Tackle That Conversation You’ve Been Avoiding. It will be great preparation for working through the Alignment Conversation Protocol described in my next post.
Please leave a comment in the box below: Which of the reasons for avoiding a conversation resonated most with you? And which of the reasons to tackle it were most compelling?
Thanks, and stay tuned for Part Two: How to Have an Accountability Conversation Without Pain