A reader sent me a question about reluctant leaders. That is, people who have expertise and experience to step up as leaders but who hesitate to do so.

He wrote, “I have two friends I believe should practice leadership but lack the courage or the energy for some reason. They are both in their fifties and at this point their profession needs them to share what they’ve learnt.”

He went on to describe leadership qualities he sees in each of them and some of the challenges in their professions that could use their leadership.

He concluded, “Any advice Deborah? Do you have a blurb in you to share about the reluctant leader?”

That’s a great question and one that’s very timely given the many grave challenges we face in today’s society. The question is relevant whether you are one of those reluctant leaders or someone who, like my friend, wants to challenge someone else to step up.

First, let me acknowledge that there probably are more reasons not to lead than to lead. In my workshops, I often do an exercise where I ask people to list as many reasons to lead as they can think of. It usually comes down to a couple of reasons. One of the most common reasons is because someone or something important to me is at stake.

For example, some people take on leadership roles because there’s something about their situation or that of a family member that needs to be improved. It’s very possible that they wouldn’t have become a leader without that source of motivation. I call these people “reluctant leaders.” One mother of a child with disabilities told a group of other family members that she had no interest in exercising leadership until well after her child was born. She said, “My husband and I were on a career track. We wanted to have it all: good jobs, a beautiful home, nice cars. Even after Andrew was born, I held onto that dream. But at some point, I realized that if he was going to have a decent life, and if we were going to do okay as a family, I had to put that energy into advocating for him instead of acquiring more possessions. It was hard to change gears but I had no choice.”

People motivated to exercise leadership by those reasons initially may not think of themselves as leaders. For example, at first this mother did not think of her actions on behalf of her son as “leadership.” Instead, she saw herself as just doing what needed to be done. In her mind, “leadership” was something dramatic and decisive, a kind of command and control approach that had been shaped by her experience as a manager in a hierarchical company. Over time, as a result of taking part in leadership training and being mentored by other parent leaders, she began to see her actions as leadership. This transition is common to many people who exercise leadership reluctantly. At some point in their journey, such people go from “just doing what needs to be done” to making a commitment to exercise leadership. Such a commitment does not need to be an intellectual one. Sometimes a commitment of the heart is made before the mind even knows it.

There are also people motivated to exercise leadership because they identify with those who are directly affected. Perhaps they have heard compelling stories of injustice, or known people who experienced discrimination. Such people may feel a sense of interconnectedness with others, and be moved to take leadership out of a sense of compassion. In his book The Longing for Home, Frederick Buechner speaks to this motivation: "We carry inside us a vision of wholeness that we sense is our true home… But woe to us if we forget the homeless ones who have no vote, no power, nobody to lobby for them, who might as well have no faces…To be really at home is to be really at peace and our lives so intrinsically interwoven that there can be no peace for any of us until there is real peace for all of us."

Given these possible sources of motivation to exercise leadership, how can I respond to my reader’s question? It seems that one approach would be to encourage his friends to tap into their deep sources of motivation to take action. And to do so in a way that allows them to overcome the multitude of reasons not to lead.

There are probably many ways to do that. One might be to have a conversation with those friends about what’s motivated them thus far in their lives and how that motivation has enabled them to lead up till now. What is the inner and outer fuel for their leadership journey? You might tease out examples of where they thought they were just “doing what needed to be done” that were actually examples of leadership. You might ask them questions like these:

Why exercise leadership?
Why not exercise leadership?
Of the above, which are the most powerful reasons—for me—in favor of leading?
Of the above, which are the most powerful reasons—for me—against leading?

Sometimes the reasons not to lead can seem stronger and more compelling than the reasons to lead. Getting very clear about your motivation to lead can sometimes overpower all the many reasons to stand on the sidelines.

If you’re a reluctant leader, please leave a comment below about what encouraged you to step up. If you’ve been successful at motivating someone else, what did you do that worked?

P.S. If you or someone you know identifies as a reluctant leader, consider applying for my online leadership program, Grow to Lead. Combining a leadership self-assessment, and in-depth goal setting process and 10 modules on core leadership skills, Grow to Lead is a perfect confidence booster for anyone wanting to make progress on their leadership journey. For more information, contact me at deborah@reidyassociates.org