Is It Real? Or Just My Imagination?

Remember this scary experience from childhood?

You’re drowsing in bed at night. You hear a sound. It’s not loud but it’s unfamiliar. Your heart starts to beat faster. You think you should go investigate but you’re scared. What if it’s something really bad?

Suddenly, the sound is gone, and the air feels familiar again.
It’s like a magician appeared and waved a wand. You feel calm and safe. Your heart rate returns to normal.

“How did that happen?” you wonder. The magician eyes you slyly and says, “Sleight of hand, my dear. Anyone can do it. Do you want me to teach you?”

All the Grown-Up Drama Goes Poof

As grown-ups, we experience that magic trick, too.

Perhaps you get yourself worked up about a conversation with a colleague that you’re afraid will turn into a conflict. You vividly imagine the worst case scenario, culminating with, “I never want to speak to you again!”

All the possible consequences are so clear in your mind that you put off having the conversation in order to avoid the conflict.

Then something changes. It’s like a switch being shut off and you think, “How ridiculous, just talk to him!”

And you do. The tension disappears, the conversation goes smoothly and you even have a laugh together.

How did that happen?

It's the mindset shift. Sometimes it happens automatically but you can learn to wave that magic wand at will.

Want to know how? Here are 3 simple techniques.

Magic Trick #1: Believe that shifts are possible.

When we’re deep in the storyline of our particular drama, it can feel like the only reality. But it’s only one perspective. There are others and it’s up to you to choose the most empowering perspective.

When the COVID-19 lockdown happened in March of 2020, most of my scheduled business evaporated. At first, I reacted with anxiety and confusion, like many people I know. “How long is this going to happen?” “What am I going to do?” But then I decided to do something that Shirzad Chamine, author of Positive Intelligence, invites us to do: Consider every problem as an opportunity or gift.

I realized that this was an ideal time to implement my long-term plan and transition to an online business model. I’d been talking about it for years but hadn’t had the time to make it happen. With an almost empty schedule, it was the perfect opportunity to move forward.

Magic Trick #1 was relatively easy for me in this case because it aligned with a long- term plan I’d already formulated. But there was more to do in order to approach this new opportunity with ease.

Magic Trick #2: Recognize the drama as drama.

With an empty calendar and a vision of how I wanted to re-define my business, I set out to create something new. So far, so good. But there were still expenses and very little revenue. Oh, no!

So, I did what I usually do…PLAN. Which is a good thing in most situations. But the planning was being driven by my inner Drama Queen. I decided to do cash flow projections for the absolute worst-case scenario: no revenue at all, no reduction in expenses. I thought I was being smart but I was just feeding the drama with spreadsheets. Instead of relieving my fears, the data just made me more anxious.

It took my practical husband to wake me up to the fact that I was catastrophizing. It was highly unlikely that there would be no revenue with expenses holding steady.

From that point on, poof, the drama was gone! I’d realized that drama was completely optional. I chose to drop it, reducing stress by about 80%. There was still the reality of the situation to contend with but I could approach it without all the extra angst.

Magic Trick # 3: (This is a compound trick…your grand finale!) Figure out what you really want and decide what mindset would be most helpful.

Figuring out what you really want is not easy. It’s impossible if you haven’t done Magic Tricks #1 and #2. So, if you have trouble figuring out what you really want, go back and try them again. It’ll help you get some clarity.

Once you know what you want, ask yourself, “Is my current mindset helping me get what I want? If not, what mindset would be more helpful?” Once I became aware that a shift was possible and let go of the drama, I was able to make real progress on my goal by viewing each setback I encountered as an opportunity or gift.

Here’s an example from someone else’s experience. One of my clients was eager to reconnect with her father on a more cordial basis. For years she had felt berated and judged by him. She had avoided bringing up how she felt because she believed the conversation would end in disaster. Her avoidance had led her to mentally beat herself up for being an avoider. This made it even harder to initiate the conversation.

Finally, she became clear about the kind of relationship she wanted and how she wanted the conversation to go. This enabled her to shift her mindset from victim to someone with confident clarity. Poof! The drama was gone. Although the conversation was not a piece of cake, she was proud of herself for being truthful about how she felt. That set the stage for a realignment of their relationship.

I’ll Believe It When I See It

“I don’t know,” you say, “That sounds too woo-woo for me! Change takes time. It’s hard work. Nothing happens instantly.”

That’s what I used to think until I started seeing these kinds of instant shifts with my clients and in my own life. And the cool thing is there’s very little backsliding. Most of the time you don’t even have to work at maintaining the new perspective.

But I don’t feel the need to convince you. Just try the 3 Magic Tricks on a challenge you want to see differently and see what happens. Make sure to share what you find out in the Comments: these are secrets to pass on!

Updated post originally published on June 15, 2018

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