“Really? You want me to solve this problem on my own? I came to you because I don’t know what to do. You’ve always given me great advice in the past,” Justin exclaims, then leaves the office.

“Well, that didn’t go well,” Philip thinks. “What am I doing wrong? I’m trying to practice what this leadership program is teaching but I don’t seem to have the knack. I’m supposed to ask questions that help people think for themselves. My mind goes blank and I feel completely awkward. Now I have to tell my learning partner that I failed miserably. And Justin doesn’t feel supported. Oh, boy, I’ll never get this!”

Sound familiar? Chances are you’ve felt awkward or uncomfortable when learning a new skill. Maybe you took a leadership program like Philip is taking. Or your boss encouraged you to speak up more in meetings but you’re reticent to speak up in groups.

I’ve been in situations like that more times than I care to remember. Often, my initial impulse is to think (or say) things like this:

“That’s not who I am.”

“I’ll never get good at this.”

“I need to prove myself here!”

“I’ll never be as good as her so why bother?”

“He’s got a lot of nerve pointing out my weaknesses! Who does he think he is?”

Ever had thoughts like that? It’s pretty common to think that way when you’re trying to learn something new. It’s uncomfortable not feeling competent. And yet you do want to succeed in learning those new behaviors.

If this is resonating consider adopting something called a growth mindset. Having a growth mindset is essential as you continue your leadership journey. It’ll help you weather the feeling of "one step forward, two steps back" that you can encounter as you learn new skills.

What is a growth mindset? It's the belief that you can get better in a particular area with effort, feedback and learning from others. The focus is on:

improving over proving your skills
developing skills over demonstrating skills
performing better than before over performing better than others.

What does it look like to have a growth mindset? Here are some examples of how a growth mindset might impact your behavior:

Effort: Understand that effort is the path to mastery and success. Welcome making an effort and seeing the results. Rather than think "I'll never be able to do this," Philip might think, "I'm not doing this very well yet.”

Feedback: Ask for feedback, welcome it and use it as an opportunity to improve. Keep an open mind. Philip might let Justin know that he's working on new skills and could be awkward at first. He might ask Justin for feedback on how well he’s helping Justin solve his own problems.

Learn from Others: Seek out people who have mastered the areas you want to develop. Learn from them, ask for feedback and “tips” from them. See them as your teachers rather than your competitors. Philip has a great opportunity to get some input from his learning partner. He sought her out as a partner because she seemed to catch on to the skills he was struggling with.

The good news is that you can adopt a growth mindset at any moment and the results can be dramatic. Carol Dweck, psychologist and originator of the growth mindset concept shares dozens of stories in her inspiring book Mindset: The New Psychology of Success.
Next time you’re feeling awkward and uncomfortable because you haven’t yet mastered a new skill, ask yourself these questions:

What’s my current mindset? How is it helping or hurting me?
What would a growth mindset tell me to do?

What do you have to lose? Just your discomfort with discomfort!

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